Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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