There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
