"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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