You can't motorboat a personality
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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