if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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