my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
