just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
