Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
