Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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