hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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