We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
