before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
