You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
