I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize