Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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