How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
