Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
