Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
