Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
