She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize