I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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