I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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