Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
