i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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