We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
