So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
