Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
