YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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