sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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