i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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