Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So many bounce houses so little time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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