please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
