well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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