My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
