So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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