I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
