...so i touched it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
