I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
