It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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