3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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