I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
do nipples grow back?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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