I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
