Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
