Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
