just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
