I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
