Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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