Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
