she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
