I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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