He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
