Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
