My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
