worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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