My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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