I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
