Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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