you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
