My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
