There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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