I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
