i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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