remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
