I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
