i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
