We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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