Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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