so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
