This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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