And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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