I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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