Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize