so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
